The 6th.
Why is it when we become people, the first thing that happens is we get slapped?? And then every day since then, we get slapped again.
[little pictures in my head are turning inside out again
this fucking up takes practice, I feel i'm well rehearsed
because the past is a bully and the future's even worse
tell me what you fear cause I can feel it like a curse.]
It seems to me that even though I'll spend alot of MY time trying to do thing with my friends, organize them, my friends always seem to find it a burden to MAKE time for me. As in, Oh, MAYBE I can do something with you inbetween these two other things I have to do. We'll see. What the HELL?? Am I not important enough to be #1?? What the fuck is wrong with this picture? I just want to find someone who cares enough about me to make time for ME, and have me be the most important thing. It's time, dammit.
Besides that, everything's going great!!! Yup, got a good weekend of sleep, had fun friday and saturday night. I think I need a roommate. It would really give me less time to explore my depression. I think that's the problem. I've spent all this time exploring my depression, trying to figure out what's making me depressed, when I really know. So I think it's time to ignore it now. Time to move on, and quit trying to make it go away. It'll go away, or it won't, but I don't think I can help.
Or maybe I'll try drugs. I've heard drugs are ok. Just marijuana, and maybe some acid. I know I'll be drinking more. Most people spend their whole lives trying to figure out who they are, and I've done that. What the hell should I do now?? I'm where my goals set me, (early in fact), and my drive is dissappearing. I just want to give it all up. I want to leave it, and just take off with nothing. Create a totally new life. And then I wake up. I realize that it's too late to do that, too late to start over.
Perhaps I'll become a hard-core alcoholic. At least that way, I'll know what is gonna happen tommorow night. At least I'm not a violent drunk. I'm kind of a fun drunk. Very goofy, things are funny. I would get drunk now, but I have to be at work in the morning early. Besides that, i've never gotten drunk alone (or drank alone) and I don't want to start now.
It's time for something big to happen, I can feel it reader. Something is brewing on the horizon, and it's huge. I can't wait to see what it is, whether it's good or bad. I'm just ready for the change. ;-)
[inside your head, noone's there, and I don't think i'll ever be, and I don't care.
you're naked inside you're fear, you can't take back all those years
shots in the dark from empty guns never heard by anyone.]
Send me some mail reader, and let me know you're alive out there..
p.s. a new goo-goo dolls album is out, pick it up. and get the old one if you dont' have it, it's awesome.