Yes, it is the 18th. not the 17th, and not the 19th.(yet.)
I have in my hand 4 handwritten pages from the memphis trip. Yup, think I'll transcribe them today. I have no idea what they say, or what I wrote about.
(If you want I'll be by your side
if you don't maybe suicide
It's my love that's killin me dear
if you won't have me and hold me near
but don't you fret, and don't be scared
cause baby I am a millionaire
I'll make you a star and I'll make you a queen
I'll put your face on every magazine.
Ok so I lied and none of that's true
but not having you is making me blue
I want you for the rest of my life
yes I want you to be my wife.
I'll give you a ring and a home sweet home
and if you want you'll be free to roam
but not too far i'll be begging you please
begging you please upon bended knees
Cause if you don't love me I'll kill myself. )
(prelim to this entry, plane ride TO memphis)
"Here it is. It's 12:11 on a saturday. I got Fucking
sent to memphis, TN, of all places, for no reason whatsoever.
I'm eating at a rustic/gourmet place called Buckley's, on union
st. What the Fuck. I'm bored, and theres' noone here who cares
about talking to me. However, it is kinda fun to play trendy jetsetter,
flying around the country on a whim. (heh-heh) t----- G---- (name
omitted to protect that person cause she's pretty nice.:)
just spent 700 bucks (plane tix) 50 bucks ( cab ride) 20 bucks
(lunch) of a--- money. and noone will ever know, you can be sure
of that. but you have to wonder, how often does this happen? how
often are people sent places in error? More often than you think,
i'm willing to bet. If it could happen to me, it could happen
to anyONE!
8 people are at the table next to mine. I saw the mississippi
river (arkansas on the other side) and the queen mary today. How
fucked is that? I also saw the street where blues was born (my
cab driver John told me that one.) John, what a southern name.
Like mine, I suppose. (my real name). Very classic southern name.
I suppose I should fit in here. But I don't. My mom grew up in
Louisana and Mississippi (among other places). Perhaps I should
try New York. Maybe i'd like it there. My Waiters name is Eric.
He looks like a typical grunger in dallas. brown hair, goatee,
mustache. You know, a cool guy. Memphis, TN. How freaking queer.
I'm downtown. There's a sign hanging in the resturant that says Crack Hore Rd. Cool. The tablecloths have a fruit (no not gay, actual fruit) pattern on them. (how bad the 90's is I have to explain that) Blackberries, pecans, watermelon, etc. 12:21 now. I'm running out of paper.
So this is the back of my map. Printed out by amsigers at my company. She's my friend. Listen to this crap. I can't rent a car cause i'm not 21. I have to ride around in a fucking cab! One way from the airport was 25.50. (after tip) so i'm definately assuming another 25 or more to get back (who knows what the call charge will be.) well, my ranch grilled chicken-dip is here. Looks pretty good. -More later.
Ok, my cajun ranch was pretty good. also had grandma's apple pie for dessert. Came back to the office, a--- in memphis, called T---- the woman who sent me out here, and got exactly what I expected. (oops, a misunderstanding.) yaay. well, i'm calling a cab now. Later.
after this journal- plane ride home-
(i need you more than a sparrow needs a breeze
I need you more than an eskimo freeze
I need your lovin not the money you're aired
and if you don't love me baby that's not fair.
Cause i'll be good to you in every way
i'll give you lovin baby every day
a lovin that's good and baby that's alright
a lovin that can hold you on a cold winter night.
Cause if you don't love me I'll kill myself.
Yeah if you don't love me I'll kill myself.
If you don't love me I'll kill myself.
Yeah if you don't love me I'll kill myself.)